Smarts.

"Before he was 25, Nikola Tesla had already invented the induction motor...
I always thought that I would have found a cure for schizophrenia by 25."

I remember signing and dancing and joking. I remember days when I could leave my house. I remember being comfortable enough to make physical contact with someone. I remember feeling okay to hug someone, to hold a hand, to give a little smooch.
I remember being called. I remember my house only being the place where I slept. I remember standing in front of people with steady hands.
I remember being able to make friends with anyone.

Now i'm just nervous, I have panic attacks when I see words like "hang out". My personal space has more control over me then any drug I've taken. I stay mostly to my house. I have a little "nook" in my bedroom, filled with books. I watch five, maybe six episodes of crimanal minds a day. I watched the first season of wilfred in one sitting. The Star Wars saga is watched bi-weekly. I go days without phone calls or text messages. When someone asks me "Hey Gene, want to do something?" I spit out the first thing that comes to my head: oh, y'know.
Confused, they'll say "no, i don't." realizing what I've said I retort something like: oh, I'm not feeling well tonight, but thank you for the offer.
I ignore phone calls; it's easy for people to tell that you're lying when they can hear your voice.