Ode to Irvine Welsh

"An thas whein starit runnin', tha wee palice officas litele feets tryin tae move a bit fasta, bu their fat asses can't keep up. maist of em are prety slow. thas why none uv us ave ever been caught. me an tha boys, one store ta tha next. faces on posters en maist uv the stores en  es litle shitole uv a town"

"Wait, so, are you saying that none of you have ever been caught?"

"Well, obviously we ave, but neva if we saw em cawmin"

"Like in the incident where your brother was shot?"

"Yeah, jus like that. E'll all be shootin' up in mother superiors kitchen, an have tha door kickit in an all run fer tha winda, bu tha litle palice officas ill all be awaitin et tha battum uv tha fire escape. But if were ona train an decide ta take some litle lateys purse when we guh ta get off, an some palice officas stanin en tha station an sees us, ell we git away evry time"

"Could you, explain what happened to your brother?"

"Eah, I gess could. Bu furst, he wount my brotha. I took em unda me wing when we wa yanga."

"And, gave him heroin?"

"Yeah. he woulda foun it imself."

"Do you hold yourself responsible for his death?"

"Eh. Every dae. Now, ya wanda knao wha happent ta him er jus sit an paint fingas?"

"Sorry, please, as you were saying,"

"I took em unda me wing when we wa yanga, shawed im is real famiy."

"who was?"

"Me, sick boy, mother superior, and darcy. Mother Superior ist bout ten years older then all of us. Is parens died when he wast yunga and as uset their life savins ant insurance money ta fund awll uv our addicshins. Anywae, we wast at a train stashion an decitet ta snag ourselves sum money, Sick Boy braught is  itle gun wit im, an as it urns up tha itle prick we triet ta roub was a undacuhvae palise offica, and he tries ta arres us an so we staret ta run, and he firet uh few shawts sa Sick Boy firet a few back, bu what he dint know was that me brathae, mista hunt, wast bein eld by tha palice offica."

"So what are you doing in here?"

"I wast so fuckin pist at em all, Sick boy, Mother Superior, the palice officas, me parents, evrywon, so I wint off ant kellet em."